I had an epiphany of sorts last Sunday - namely that I am often discontent. Perhaps, I like things too settled? Maybe I don't live with tension very well? I'm not entirely sure. I do think that there is a part of all of us which longs for Perfection; we long for the return of our Lord when all things will be made right. I suppose that kind of discontentment is okay. Christians should long for the coming of the Lord. However, in the meantime, how should I live? If I were to live by my feelings of discontentment, I would jump from one job to the next, move from one city to another, hop from church to church only to still feel discontent.
It was suggested to me today that I should simply continue saying my prayers daily, receiving the Sacraments, and loving others - in other words, I should remain steadfast. After all, I am a Benedictine. I am called to a life of prayer. Part of the beauty of the Benedictine charism is its rhythm. Day in and day out, the monk prays the divine hours, fasts, works, extends hospitality only to get up and do it all again the next day (and the next, and the next). During the good times and the difficult times, I'm called to be faithful. To keep praying. To keep fasting. To keep extending hospitality. Maybe somewhere along the way, this feeling of discontentment will give way to something better? I doubt it. I tend to think the real blessing might be in living in the tension of the "almost but not yet" reality we Christians face until the coming of our Savior.